Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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