let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
