toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
