I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
