We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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