Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
