Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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