I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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