obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
