Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
