Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
