I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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