Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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