$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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