Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
