It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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