why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
