do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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