I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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