I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
