The maid of honor just puked.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
