She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
