your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
