Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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