Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
