My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
