ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
