Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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