I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
