every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
