Operation Purity has been aborted
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
