I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
