I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
