Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well you can't waste a boner
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
