How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
