trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
