In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
