So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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