clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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