Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
