I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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