The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
