the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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