My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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