you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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