On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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