I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
