I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
