you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
