So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
