six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
