Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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