If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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