he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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