you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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