so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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