when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
