I hate your face
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize