I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
