I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
