So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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