so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
