dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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