I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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