1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
