i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
birth control should be required to get into college
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
