you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
