yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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