dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
