so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
