I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
