lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fill condoms, not promises.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
