We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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