The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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