I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
