You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
